Why bullies and victims need help

See 8. Empathy Activities. Intervention will prevent the bullying behavior from continuing and escalating. Intervention also lets children know that bullying is not allowed and will not be tolerated.

See Teachable Moments. Passive victims tend to be shy and less socially experienced than other children. They may have a strong desire to fit in but have difficulty making friends and entering social groups.

Some young victims may not even recognize that they are being bullied. Young children who are bullied often prefer to play alone—they have not yet discovered the benefits of being part of a social group. Although victims may possess specific social skills, such as cooperative behaviors, they often lack the skills needed for making friends and being a leader. In contrast, more aggressive children who are victimized tend to fight back, both verbally and physically.

These children often form friendships with more aggressive children and alliances with other children who bully. Children avoid or exclude victimized children because they want to maintain their position in the social hierarchy and fear becoming targets themselves. Victims of repeated bullying often become withdrawn, isolated, and reluctant to join social groups. Early childhood educators need to look out for young children who are most at risk for becoming involved in bullying.

Children who are bullied may have physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomachaches; they may feel sad or depressed; and they may refuse to go to school or to stay in school once they are there. They may develop patterns of aggressive or submissive behaviors that persist as they get older, resulting in low self-esteem and difficulties with social relationships. Young children who are bullied often need help making friends and joining social groups.

They also need to develop, practice, and use assertiveness skills. Children who are assertive know how to respond to a bully in effective, non-aggressive ways and are less likely to be targeted by bullies in the first place. See 9. Assertiveness Activities. When victims ask for help, teachers need to respond in ways that support the victim.

Victims need to know that adults care about their situation and that they can help. They need to know that bullying is not allowed and will not be tolerated. When bullying occurs in early childhood settings, all the children watching become bystanders to bullying. Bystanders learn about bullying from observing the behaviors of the children who bully and the children who are victims.

Often bullying is intentionally displayed in front of others to get their attention and solicit their support. And even if bullying isn't an issue right in your house right now, it's important to discuss it so your kids will be prepared if it does happen.

Most kids get teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it's not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop. Bullying is intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways. It can range from hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats, and mocking to extorting money and possessions. Some kids bully by shunning others and spreading rumors about them.

Others use social media or electronic messaging to taunt others or hurt their feelings. It's important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to "tough out. In severe cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as suicides and school shootings.

Kids bully for a mix of reasons. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim — someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or just acts or appears different in some way — to feel more important, popular, or in control. Although some bullies are bigger or stronger than their victims, that's not always the case. Sometimes kids torment others because that's the way they've been treated. They may think their behavior is normal because they come from families or other settings where everyone regularly gets angry and shouts or calls each other names.

Some popular TV shows even seem to promote meanness — people are "voted off," shunned, or ridiculed for their appearance or lack of talent. Unless your child tells you about bullying — or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be hard to know if it's happening. If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find ways to bring up the issue.

For instance, you might see a situation on a TV show and ask, "What do you think of this? Let your kids know that if they're being bullied or harassed — or see it happening to someone else — it's important to talk to someone about it, whether it's you, another adult a teacher, school counselor, or family friend , or a sibling. If your child tells you about being bullied, listen calmly and offer comfort and support.

Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed and ashamed that it's happening, or worry that their parents will be disappointed, upset, angry, or reactive.

Sometimes kids feel like it's their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. Sometimes they're scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won't believe them or do anything about it.

Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they're scared to. Praise your child for doing the right thing by talking to you about it. Remind your child that they're not alone — a lot of people get bullied at some point. Explain that it's the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together.

Psychological studies can help to prevent these serious problems, by analyzing which factors put a child at risk of being bullied. Using anonymous questionnaires, we asked children aged 10—12 years old to report if they were suffering some kind of bullying and how they felt about their relationships both in and out of school for example, how easily they become friends with other children.

We wondered if bullying could happen even in a circle of good friends. We can use the information learned in this study to promote prevention programs in schools, to advise children about how to deal with bullying. The word bullying is probably familiar to you.

You may have heard it on TV, read about it in a book or magazine, or heard it from a friend or someone you know.

You may have even used this word to describe a situation you have seen at your school or even to describe something that might have happened to you. No doubt you already have your own definition of bullying, and you may be quite clear about what bullying is and what it is not.

However, not everyone agrees when it comes to defining bullying. However, there are some things the researchers do agree on. From this point of view, when someone hits or pushes someone else, insults somebody, or does not allow someone to play with his or her group of friends, we could state that this person is bullying others. Most researchers would agree that aggression must fulfill two other conditions to be considered bullying [ 1 ]: 1 repetition, meaning that the behavior must happen more than once; and 2 power imbalance, meaning that it must be difficult for the victim to defend him or herself.

The power imbalance can be the result of the bully being physically stronger or more popular, or because the bully is part of a group of people who act together to pick on one individual. Bullying is not limited to one person who is aggressive and another person who is the victim of this aggression. Bullying is a social behavior that takes place mainly at school and involves everyone who witnesses it, even if they are not directly involved in it [ 3 ]. In Figure 1 , you can see all the people involved in a bullying situation.

In the bully role, we find the ringleader the person who starts and leads bullying , but bullies do not usually act alone. Bullies tend to like others who engage in similar behaviors, those who help them hurt someone or those who reinforce their behavior. Those who join in with bullies and help them to bully someone are called assistants and people who laugh and encourage bullying when it is taking place are called reinforcers. There are also people who help victims of bullying in some way and they are known as defenders.

However, bullying is often reinforced by people who know about it but remain silent. These people do not get involved in the bullying situation because they prefer to ignore it, or they do not feel capable of doing something to stop it. People who know about bullying but ignore it are called bystanders.

Bystanders may play a key role in stopping bullying, or in allowing it to continue happening. Bullying significantly affects the social, emotional, and academic well-being of both the bullies and the victims. For example, research has shown that victims of bullying are more likely to report symptoms of depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

Victims are also more likely to experience social exclusion, they report less life satisfaction, have more absences from school, and often have poor academic performance. Bullies are also more likely to have poor performance in school, as well as problems keeping friends. Bullies are also more likely to report drug and alcohol use and violence later in adult life [ 1 ]. Bullying also has negative consequences for bystanders. Research has revealed that kids who observe bullying have difficulties concentrating and may experience depression or distrust of others [ 4 ].

We asked students why some people bully others, and some students said that bullying is motivated by boredom. They explained that bullying may be a way for bullies to spend their time when they feel bored. They also said that bullying may be done as a joke rather than as an act to hurt someone.

However, research has shown that bullying is not explained by boredom. Bullying may be explained by what researchers call the dominance hypothesis.